Scales and Such

Dear Brittany,

It's obvious that you've been avoiding me. I know we've never been "best friends", but this is getting out of hand. Do you realize that when you kick me under the bath tub, I haven't disappeared? Or when you throw a towel over me....? You can't ignore me forever.

Moving on... going off your behavior the last time you used me, I feel some things need to be addressed. You cannot stand on me and lean against the wall. No matter what your head tells you, that is cheating. Also, moving one foot slightly off the scale is not giving you an accurate weight either. Try to be honest. Is that so hard?

Love,
Your Bathroom Scale

PS. I've looked over your list you submitted for "Reasons to Deduct Pounds"... You'll see my response next to them.
* Clothing -15 pounds........... Are you an Eskimo? Not quite. Try -2 pounds
* The 5 layer Burrito you just ate -7 pounds..... Denied. Sorry
* Your hair is getting longer -4 pounds.... Denied.
* You feel your head is slightly large compared to your body -3 pounds... Denied. Not true.