Muffin Top

Dear Brittany,

Life is getting awfully uncomfortable for me lately. What is the deal with trying to squeeze into smaller pants? I know you're feeling "skinnier" these days, but hello! Look down! I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere!

When you attempt to put on your "skinny" pants you make it very hard for me to breathe. It gets even worse once you actually try to button them. I've never felt so choked in my entire life. What happened to the days of you wearing your stretchy waist band maternity pants? So what if Kambrie's almost 3! They were comfortable and they didn't cause me to struggle to live.

Life is not easy when you're a muffin top. Everyone likes muffins... but muffin tops, no way. So go easy on me. I didn't ask for this. If you remember correctly you invited me in with your mashed potatoes and gravy pregnancy cravings.

Love,
Your Muffin Top


PS. Your breasts stopped by the other day. It was quite uncomfortable. They have no business being down here. Could you possibly ask them to stay out of the South and head North?