Toasty Bones

Dear Brittany,

Right now you should be thanking your lucky stars that I was there to warm your bones during the hour you stood in the freezing cold last night.

Did you see your skinny friend standing there shivering like a maniac? She was cold to the bone. But your bones.. well they were nice and toasty thanks to my incredible insulation job. Talk about energy efficient!

From now on quit complaining about how much I affect your outside and take notice of the good things I do to your inside. You could stand in a blizzard for hours and be as snug as a bug. Your poor friend would've been taken over by frost bite from the inside out.

Give her my card. Tell her I'm running a special. I'll give her 20 pounds of fat for 20 doughnuts.

Love,
Your Body Fat

PS. Even though you thought you were literally freezing your butt off... no worries. It's still there. I held on like super glue to that baby. Faithfully yours as always!