Knee High Boots

Dear Maker of Knee High Boots,

I don't even know where to begin. I do not fit into the fashion world apparently. Is there a reason you can't seem to make boots that have a wider leg circumference than a licorice rope? Do you think people with "big boned" calves shouldn't be able to wear a decent pair of winter boots?

I'm going to paint you a picture... and it isn't a pretty one. My pants are too tight. I have a mid section muffin top. My bra is squeezing the life out of my northern parts. All I wanted was a good pair of winter boots so my feet didn't freeze. Simple enough right? I try on your boots. The cute ones that go half way up the calf and zip. Well what am I supposed to do when they won't zip? I'm already testing the limits by bending over in my way too tight pants. I can only struggle so much. After much tugging and "sucking" my calves in... (yes, it's possible) I get the zipper up half way. There. Success. I'll take it.

But wait... I have muffin tops........... on my CALVES. Yes. Your ridiculously skinny boots have given my legs muffin tops. I didn't even know this was possible and yet there I stood with inner tubes for knees. The skinny girl next to me with her perfectly zipped knee high boots was thinking, "Here, have a stick of butter to go with those muffins." Thank you very much fashion world.

Sadly my feet are still freezing in my wide flats. If you thought that chunky legs didn't get cold you were wrong. I'll be sending you the bill for my frost bite.

Love,
Brittany

PS. I'm still looking for my knees. I'm beginning to think they're hiding... somewhere up in my thighs.