Dear Breasts,
I've come to a conclusion.
You are not saggy.
You just have bad posture.
Love,
Brittany
PS. Don't fret. 4 years of choir straightened my posture right up. I'm looking into choir for you. You're gonna love it.
Showing posts with label Bodylicious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bodylicious. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Eviction Notice
Dear Brittany,
I've been reading your blog and have come to a very startling realization. You think I'm the one who took off never to be found again. For some reason you've gotten it into your head that I left you high and dry 5 years ago. This is not true. Please hear me out.
5 years ago I was in top shape. Nothing sagged, everything was relatively smooth and I only consisted of good bulges. I was loving life.
To my dismay I was served with an eviction notice by some creep called "Pregnancy". Yep, it's true. He just slapped up a notice saying I had 9 months to vacate. So I took off. I had no choice.
I've snuck around here and there to see what's going on. I don't like what the renters have done at all. Stretch marks, there's usually an overgrown lawn on your legs and they've allowed your breasts to completely take over. Let's not even get started on the back yard. Who needs that much space anyways? Unless they're planning a neighborhood fiesta, I don't get the point of that massive amount of space they've allowed to happen.
I am begging you to let me come back. Now's a good time. Serve them with an eviction notice. You can find one under the name of "GYM".
Love,
Your old body
I've been reading your blog and have come to a very startling realization. You think I'm the one who took off never to be found again. For some reason you've gotten it into your head that I left you high and dry 5 years ago. This is not true. Please hear me out.
5 years ago I was in top shape. Nothing sagged, everything was relatively smooth and I only consisted of good bulges. I was loving life.
To my dismay I was served with an eviction notice by some creep called "Pregnancy". Yep, it's true. He just slapped up a notice saying I had 9 months to vacate. So I took off. I had no choice.
I've snuck around here and there to see what's going on. I don't like what the renters have done at all. Stretch marks, there's usually an overgrown lawn on your legs and they've allowed your breasts to completely take over. Let's not even get started on the back yard. Who needs that much space anyways? Unless they're planning a neighborhood fiesta, I don't get the point of that massive amount of space they've allowed to happen.
I am begging you to let me come back. Now's a good time. Serve them with an eviction notice. You can find one under the name of "GYM".
Love,
Your old body
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Energy Eater
Dear Brittany,
If you're looking for your energy.. your butt ate it.
Good luck getting it to give it up. Your butt really likes bouncing around all day. Or at least so I've been told by your muffin top. Who heard it from your breasts.
Love,
Your thighs
PS. We could put a hit man out on your butt. I've heard he's good at "getting rid" of big problems. His name is Mr. Tread E. Mill. Give him a call.
If you're looking for your energy.. your butt ate it.
Good luck getting it to give it up. Your butt really likes bouncing around all day. Or at least so I've been told by your muffin top. Who heard it from your breasts.
Love,
Your thighs
PS. We could put a hit man out on your butt. I've heard he's good at "getting rid" of big problems. His name is Mr. Tread E. Mill. Give him a call.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Toasty Bones
Dear Brittany,
Right now you should be thanking your lucky stars that I was there to warm your bones during the hour you stood in the freezing cold last night.
Did you see your skinny friend standing there shivering like a maniac? She was cold to the bone. But your bones.. well they were nice and toasty thanks to my incredible insulation job. Talk about energy efficient!
From now on quit complaining about how much I affect your outside and take notice of the good things I do to your inside. You could stand in a blizzard for hours and be as snug as a bug. Your poor friend would've been taken over by frost bite from the inside out.
Give her my card. Tell her I'm running a special. I'll give her 20 pounds of fat for 20 doughnuts.
Love,
Your Body Fat
PS. Even though you thought you were literally freezing your butt off... no worries. It's still there. I held on like super glue to that baby. Faithfully yours as always!
Right now you should be thanking your lucky stars that I was there to warm your bones during the hour you stood in the freezing cold last night.
Did you see your skinny friend standing there shivering like a maniac? She was cold to the bone. But your bones.. well they were nice and toasty thanks to my incredible insulation job. Talk about energy efficient!
From now on quit complaining about how much I affect your outside and take notice of the good things I do to your inside. You could stand in a blizzard for hours and be as snug as a bug. Your poor friend would've been taken over by frost bite from the inside out.
Give her my card. Tell her I'm running a special. I'll give her 20 pounds of fat for 20 doughnuts.
Love,
Your Body Fat
PS. Even though you thought you were literally freezing your butt off... no worries. It's still there. I held on like super glue to that baby. Faithfully yours as always!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Finger Fat
Dear Fingers,
You have completely betrayed me. I thought we were friends. Guess I thought wrong.
For five years I've watched my body go down hill. My stomach started sagging, my breasts quit being perky, my thighs belong on a water buffalo and my butt could be used as a serving tray. But you... you held out. For five years you stayed thin, beautiful and fat-less.
Until now. Suddenly you jump on the bandwagon and get fat. Why?
My wedding ring now feels like a tourniquet. I finally got it off after a bottle of baby lotion and a whole lot of grunting and moaning. I now have a permanant indention in my ring finger. Is this really necessary?
Love,
Brittany
PS.. Thanks a lot fat lovers. You'll see it's not all it's cracked up to be.
You have completely betrayed me. I thought we were friends. Guess I thought wrong.
For five years I've watched my body go down hill. My stomach started sagging, my breasts quit being perky, my thighs belong on a water buffalo and my butt could be used as a serving tray. But you... you held out. For five years you stayed thin, beautiful and fat-less.
Until now. Suddenly you jump on the bandwagon and get fat. Why?
My wedding ring now feels like a tourniquet. I finally got it off after a bottle of baby lotion and a whole lot of grunting and moaning. I now have a permanant indention in my ring finger. Is this really necessary?
Love,
Brittany
PS.. Thanks a lot fat lovers. You'll see it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Gelato
Dear Skinny People,
For those of you who say, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"... have obviously never tasted Dolce Villa's white chocolate gelato. Cuz believe me, that is purely impossible.
Of course it's been 4 years since I've been able to know how skinny "feels". This leading me to the conclusion that my opinion is biased. To make sure that I have a truely unbiased opinion I would like to "try" being skinny again for one day. Just test it out. Refresh my memory.
I'll be waiting for my Heidi Klum body in the mail.
Love,
Brittany
PS. Please include return postage. Unless of course I can be Heidi Klum AND eat gelato?
For those of you who say, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"... have obviously never tasted Dolce Villa's white chocolate gelato. Cuz believe me, that is purely impossible.
Of course it's been 4 years since I've been able to know how skinny "feels". This leading me to the conclusion that my opinion is biased. To make sure that I have a truely unbiased opinion I would like to "try" being skinny again for one day. Just test it out. Refresh my memory.
I'll be waiting for my Heidi Klum body in the mail.
Love,
Brittany
PS. Please include return postage. Unless of course I can be Heidi Klum AND eat gelato?
Friday, February 5, 2010
Back rolls
Dear Brittany,
You've alway complained about us and yet we saved your life. Some thanks....
Think of the damage that would've been done to your ribs and spine if you had the back of Kate Moss. You would be in a body cast if it wasn't for the extra padding that we provide.
As you glided down the snow covered steps we made sure to absorb most of the impact from your gracious fall. We're like insurance for your back. We protect your precious things.
So the next time you see us hanging out over the back of your bra, don't sigh. Thank us. Call us heros if you must. It's what we do.
Love,
Your back rolls
PS. Think of the advantage that having breasts the size of yours on your back would do! We're talking to them about relocating. You could fall on a cement block and those babies would hold strong.
You've alway complained about us and yet we saved your life. Some thanks....
Think of the damage that would've been done to your ribs and spine if you had the back of Kate Moss. You would be in a body cast if it wasn't for the extra padding that we provide.
As you glided down the snow covered steps we made sure to absorb most of the impact from your gracious fall. We're like insurance for your back. We protect your precious things.
So the next time you see us hanging out over the back of your bra, don't sigh. Thank us. Call us heros if you must. It's what we do.
Love,
Your back rolls
PS. Think of the advantage that having breasts the size of yours on your back would do! We're talking to them about relocating. You could fall on a cement block and those babies would hold strong.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Arm Candy
Dear Brittany,
We've decided to give in and and take the same route as the rest of your body. Everything else is starting to droop, so why not us? Sure, call us sheep... followers... don't have a mind of our own... But seriously. Everyone else is doing it and we're tired of feeling left out. So South we go.
Just think of all the advantages you'll have now. All you'll have to do is spread your arms and you can take flight. You can itch your side just by jiggling your arm and your upside down bicep will scratch it for you. Now how's that for convenience?
Just try and not be excited about this. You can thank us later.
Love,
Your upside down Biceps
PS. Now that we're on the underside of your arms, try not to forget the deoderant. You don't want to be chubby AND smelly.
We've decided to give in and and take the same route as the rest of your body. Everything else is starting to droop, so why not us? Sure, call us sheep... followers... don't have a mind of our own... But seriously. Everyone else is doing it and we're tired of feeling left out. So South we go.
Just think of all the advantages you'll have now. All you'll have to do is spread your arms and you can take flight. You can itch your side just by jiggling your arm and your upside down bicep will scratch it for you. Now how's that for convenience?
Just try and not be excited about this. You can thank us later.
Love,
Your upside down Biceps
PS. Now that we're on the underside of your arms, try not to forget the deoderant. You don't want to be chubby AND smelly.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Miscommunication
Dear Brittany,
We seem to have had a huge miscommunication. I must have misread your letter. I thought it said you wanted plump hips and skinny lips. Apparently you wanted Plump lips and skinny hips. Please accept my sincerest apologies.
Unfortunately this process can not be undone. Sort of a one time deal thing. At least you have one thing going for you. Skinny lips are "in" right???..... No???... ok. Never mind.
Love,
Your Body
PS. To show just how sorry I am, I'm sending you one of those cookie bouquets. Don't worry. Your butt will forgive me real fast.
We seem to have had a huge miscommunication. I must have misread your letter. I thought it said you wanted plump hips and skinny lips. Apparently you wanted Plump lips and skinny hips. Please accept my sincerest apologies.
Unfortunately this process can not be undone. Sort of a one time deal thing. At least you have one thing going for you. Skinny lips are "in" right???..... No???... ok. Never mind.
Love,
Your Body
PS. To show just how sorry I am, I'm sending you one of those cookie bouquets. Don't worry. Your butt will forgive me real fast.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Double Chin
Dear Brittany,
These days we're feeling awfully close to your breast bone. And quite honestly, we're not all that fond of her. If you could find a way to suck us back up to your jaw line that would be lovely.
Love,
Your Double Chin
PS. According to latest reports, you're about a half gallon of ice cream and one more 5 layer burrito away from a triple chin. Then we'll be resting on your breasts. Who are currently resting on your muffin top. Who for the time being is resting on your bulbous thighs.... there's a whole lotta resting going on don't ya think?
These days we're feeling awfully close to your breast bone. And quite honestly, we're not all that fond of her. If you could find a way to suck us back up to your jaw line that would be lovely.
Love,
Your Double Chin
PS. According to latest reports, you're about a half gallon of ice cream and one more 5 layer burrito away from a triple chin. Then we'll be resting on your breasts. Who are currently resting on your muffin top. Who for the time being is resting on your bulbous thighs.... there's a whole lotta resting going on don't ya think?
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Feelings
Dear Brittany,
You've met us. You know us as happy, sad, mad, confused, scared, insecure, bored, over joyed.... the list continues. We have many names... A lot of them actually, but you can call us "feelings".
We just wanted to ask what it is that entices you to "eat us"? Kids screaming all day? You reach for the ice cream. Money stresses? Watch out pan of brownies! Fight with the husband? Here comes the chips and dip.
We like to advise you not to eat your feelings anymore. You can thank your past "feelings" for your double digit hips, sagging breasts, extra large muffin top and your super sized behind. In the future try to refrain from eating your feelings and you might see these body parts reduce drastically.
Feelings are not food. Repeat after us... Feelings are not food.
Love,
Your feelings
PS. Your neighbor thinks she's better than you.... I'll get the ice cream.
You've met us. You know us as happy, sad, mad, confused, scared, insecure, bored, over joyed.... the list continues. We have many names... A lot of them actually, but you can call us "feelings".
We just wanted to ask what it is that entices you to "eat us"? Kids screaming all day? You reach for the ice cream. Money stresses? Watch out pan of brownies! Fight with the husband? Here comes the chips and dip.
We like to advise you not to eat your feelings anymore. You can thank your past "feelings" for your double digit hips, sagging breasts, extra large muffin top and your super sized behind. In the future try to refrain from eating your feelings and you might see these body parts reduce drastically.
Feelings are not food. Repeat after us... Feelings are not food.
Love,
Your feelings
PS. Your neighbor thinks she's better than you.... I'll get the ice cream.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Stretch Marks
Dear Brittany,
Why do you hate us so? You say we're ugly, we say we add "character". You miss your pre baby stomach, we say it was pale and colorless.
Think of it like this... do you like plain, white walls? No. You decorate. Hang a picture or two. And that's exactly what we did to your stomach. So why are you so upset?
Despite your hatred towards us, we've decided to spread to your rear end. All that vast, white space needs something colorful to cover up the cellulite. Trust us, it's better this way.
Love,
Your Stretch Marks
PS. How mad would you be if we "decorated" on your bosoms? Yes? No? We just thought they could use some cheering up. Everyone knows that a "little pink" is the best way to do that.
Why do you hate us so? You say we're ugly, we say we add "character". You miss your pre baby stomach, we say it was pale and colorless.
Think of it like this... do you like plain, white walls? No. You decorate. Hang a picture or two. And that's exactly what we did to your stomach. So why are you so upset?
Despite your hatred towards us, we've decided to spread to your rear end. All that vast, white space needs something colorful to cover up the cellulite. Trust us, it's better this way.
Love,
Your Stretch Marks
PS. How mad would you be if we "decorated" on your bosoms? Yes? No? We just thought they could use some cheering up. Everyone knows that a "little pink" is the best way to do that.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
DIEt
Dear Brittany,
I don't think it's a coincidence that the word "diet" starts with DIE.
That is all.
Love,
Your starving stomach
PS. If you threw me a few extra crumbs I wouldn't tell a soul. I swear.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the word "diet" starts with DIE.
That is all.
Love,
Your starving stomach
PS. If you threw me a few extra crumbs I wouldn't tell a soul. I swear.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Scales and Such
Dear Brittany,
It's obvious that you've been avoiding me. I know we've never been "best friends", but this is getting out of hand. Do you realize that when you kick me under the bath tub, I haven't disappeared? Or when you throw a towel over me....? You can't ignore me forever.
Moving on... going off your behavior the last time you used me, I feel some things need to be addressed. You cannot stand on me and lean against the wall. No matter what your head tells you, that is cheating. Also, moving one foot slightly off the scale is not giving you an accurate weight either. Try to be honest. Is that so hard?
Love,
Your Bathroom Scale
PS. I've looked over your list you submitted for "Reasons to Deduct Pounds"... You'll see my response next to them.
* Clothing -15 pounds........... Are you an Eskimo? Not quite. Try -2 pounds
* The 5 layer Burrito you just ate -7 pounds..... Denied. Sorry
* Your hair is getting longer -4 pounds.... Denied.
* You feel your head is slightly large compared to your body -3 pounds... Denied. Not true.
It's obvious that you've been avoiding me. I know we've never been "best friends", but this is getting out of hand. Do you realize that when you kick me under the bath tub, I haven't disappeared? Or when you throw a towel over me....? You can't ignore me forever.
Moving on... going off your behavior the last time you used me, I feel some things need to be addressed. You cannot stand on me and lean against the wall. No matter what your head tells you, that is cheating. Also, moving one foot slightly off the scale is not giving you an accurate weight either. Try to be honest. Is that so hard?
Love,
Your Bathroom Scale
PS. I've looked over your list you submitted for "Reasons to Deduct Pounds"... You'll see my response next to them.
* Clothing -15 pounds........... Are you an Eskimo? Not quite. Try -2 pounds
* The 5 layer Burrito you just ate -7 pounds..... Denied. Sorry
* Your hair is getting longer -4 pounds.... Denied.
* You feel your head is slightly large compared to your body -3 pounds... Denied. Not true.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Muffin Top
Dear Brittany,
Life is getting awfully uncomfortable for me lately. What is the deal with trying to squeeze into smaller pants? I know you're feeling "skinnier" these days, but hello! Look down! I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere!
When you attempt to put on your "skinny" pants you make it very hard for me to breathe. It gets even worse once you actually try to button them. I've never felt so choked in my entire life. What happened to the days of you wearing your stretchy waist band maternity pants? So what if Kambrie's almost 3! They were comfortable and they didn't cause me to struggle to live.
Life is not easy when you're a muffin top. Everyone likes muffins... but muffin tops, no way. So go easy on me. I didn't ask for this. If you remember correctly you invited me in with your mashed potatoes and gravy pregnancy cravings.
Love,
Your Muffin Top
PS. Your breasts stopped by the other day. It was quite uncomfortable. They have no business being down here. Could you possibly ask them to stay out of the South and head North?
Life is getting awfully uncomfortable for me lately. What is the deal with trying to squeeze into smaller pants? I know you're feeling "skinnier" these days, but hello! Look down! I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere!
When you attempt to put on your "skinny" pants you make it very hard for me to breathe. It gets even worse once you actually try to button them. I've never felt so choked in my entire life. What happened to the days of you wearing your stretchy waist band maternity pants? So what if Kambrie's almost 3! They were comfortable and they didn't cause me to struggle to live.
Life is not easy when you're a muffin top. Everyone likes muffins... but muffin tops, no way. So go easy on me. I didn't ask for this. If you remember correctly you invited me in with your mashed potatoes and gravy pregnancy cravings.
Love,
Your Muffin Top
PS. Your breasts stopped by the other day. It was quite uncomfortable. They have no business being down here. Could you possibly ask them to stay out of the South and head North?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Dumb bells and Sit-ups
Dear Brittany,
Regardless of what you tell yourself, exercise will not hurt you. Also, there is no known cases today of "exercise allergies". The shortness of breath, sore muscles and racing heart are all normal and completely common symptoms of exercising and not symptoms of an allergic attack. We promise you that if you continue to exercise you will only benefit you and your health. Try to stick with it.
Love,
Your Local Personal Trainer
PS. Even if it "hurts really bad" according to your description..... situps are good for you. No they will not kill you, and yes, you can do more than 5 without dying.
Regardless of what you tell yourself, exercise will not hurt you. Also, there is no known cases today of "exercise allergies". The shortness of breath, sore muscles and racing heart are all normal and completely common symptoms of exercising and not symptoms of an allergic attack. We promise you that if you continue to exercise you will only benefit you and your health. Try to stick with it.
Love,
Your Local Personal Trainer
PS. Even if it "hurts really bad" according to your description..... situps are good for you. No they will not kill you, and yes, you can do more than 5 without dying.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Skinny Jeans
Dear Maker of Skinny Jeans,
I find your product incredibly misleading. Imagine my excitement when I went to the department store and saw "skinny jeans" advertised in the front window. Could it be? Jeans that make you skinny?! I quickly grabbed some and headed to the nearest dressing room. I was full of anticipation until I saw them on me. I looked like a muffin on a stick. And that's not the look I was going for. Trust me.
Maybe you should consider calling them, "Skinny jeans for skinny people only" jeans. Or "Beware Fat Girls Jeans". It would save us "curvy" girls some major embarassment in the dressing room when we can't peel them off and have to get the assistance of our husbands.
I can guarantee you that if you did make "skinny" jeans that helped us from the chub club appear "skinny", you would sell more than you ever imagined. If you ever decide to go forward with this type of product feel free to use me for your poster girl. My agents are waiting.
Love,
Brittany
I find your product incredibly misleading. Imagine my excitement when I went to the department store and saw "skinny jeans" advertised in the front window. Could it be? Jeans that make you skinny?! I quickly grabbed some and headed to the nearest dressing room. I was full of anticipation until I saw them on me. I looked like a muffin on a stick. And that's not the look I was going for. Trust me.
Maybe you should consider calling them, "Skinny jeans for skinny people only" jeans. Or "Beware Fat Girls Jeans". It would save us "curvy" girls some major embarassment in the dressing room when we can't peel them off and have to get the assistance of our husbands.
I can guarantee you that if you did make "skinny" jeans that helped us from the chub club appear "skinny", you would sell more than you ever imagined. If you ever decide to go forward with this type of product feel free to use me for your poster girl. My agents are waiting.
Love,
Brittany
Monday, January 11, 2010
Size 5 Jeans
Dear Size 5 Jeans,
Oh how I miss you. I know, I know... I called you fat when I used to wear you. And I cannot express how sorry I am for that. It's just one of those "never realize what you've got until it's gone" things. I took the fact that I actually had a waist and a butt that wasn't measured in tons for granted. I'm so, so sorry.
It seems like just yesterday you were on the top of my closet pile rather than hidden way, way, way back there. I'm still not quite sure what happened, seems like one day you were here and the next day you were replaced with maternity pants, double digit sizes and then.. (cough cough gasp) stretchy pants. It's all kind of a blur of pregnancy, midnight cravings, ice cream cartons and America's Next Top Model Re-runs.
Relationships are supposed to be about compromise. So I was thinking.... if I could manage to lose a little bit of weight maybe you could manage to stretch out a little. If you could give me just a wee bit more wiggle room we just might be able to be friends again. Until then enjoy the dark closet.
Love,
Brittany
PS. I know you're not going to fit for a while still.... but I'm pretty sure you're just messing with my head when you won't go past my knees. I know you could probably get all the way to my thighs. Right?........................... Right??!
Oh how I miss you. I know, I know... I called you fat when I used to wear you. And I cannot express how sorry I am for that. It's just one of those "never realize what you've got until it's gone" things. I took the fact that I actually had a waist and a butt that wasn't measured in tons for granted. I'm so, so sorry.
It seems like just yesterday you were on the top of my closet pile rather than hidden way, way, way back there. I'm still not quite sure what happened, seems like one day you were here and the next day you were replaced with maternity pants, double digit sizes and then.. (cough cough gasp) stretchy pants. It's all kind of a blur of pregnancy, midnight cravings, ice cream cartons and America's Next Top Model Re-runs.
Relationships are supposed to be about compromise. So I was thinking.... if I could manage to lose a little bit of weight maybe you could manage to stretch out a little. If you could give me just a wee bit more wiggle room we just might be able to be friends again. Until then enjoy the dark closet.
Love,
Brittany
PS. I know you're not going to fit for a while still.... but I'm pretty sure you're just messing with my head when you won't go past my knees. I know you could probably get all the way to my thighs. Right?........................... Right??!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Calorie Holidays
Dear Brittany,
This letter is to inform you that your request to have your calories take the following holidays off was officially denied:
Thanksgiving
Your Birthday
Earth Day
Super Bowl Sunday
Flag Day
Fourth of July
Easter
Valentine's Day
Your children's birthdays
Leap Year
New Year's
Halloween
Canada Day
Kwanzaa
Columbus Day
Martin Luther King Day
Election Years
And last but not least....
The entire Holiday season starting Nov. 1st and extending till Jan. 2nd.
We apologize for any inconvenience but we are not at the time able to "rest" or "take a holiday".
Love,
Your calories
PS. Just to make sure there's no confusion, we are not at this time able to raise the allowed daily amount for calorie intake. It is still 2,000. And that's all day. Not per burrito.
This letter is to inform you that your request to have your calories take the following holidays off was officially denied:
Thanksgiving
Your Birthday
Earth Day
Super Bowl Sunday
Flag Day
Fourth of July
Easter
Valentine's Day
Your children's birthdays
Leap Year
New Year's
Halloween
Canada Day
Kwanzaa
Columbus Day
Martin Luther King Day
Election Years
And last but not least....
The entire Holiday season starting Nov. 1st and extending till Jan. 2nd.
We apologize for any inconvenience but we are not at the time able to "rest" or "take a holiday".
Love,
Your calories
PS. Just to make sure there's no confusion, we are not at this time able to raise the allowed daily amount for calorie intake. It is still 2,000. And that's all day. Not per burrito.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Flat stomach.... it's been a while.
Dear Flat Stomach,
I know you're in there... somewhere. This winter coat you seem to have covered yourself in is getting a little ridiculous. I know, I know... during winter months it's always nice to have the extra warmth, but the summer too? Come on.
I'd really appreciate it also, if you'd rid yourself of this hideous fashion you call "stretch marks". Whoever told you they were a good look for you lied.
Please try to understand where I'm coming from. I love you, I really do. I just wish there wasn't so much of you to love.
Love,
Brittany
PS Since you're in the area.. could you possibly send a message to my butt that it doesn't need to follow in the same fashion as you? Bigger is not better. And I guess it wouldn't hurt to forward that to my thighs either. Thank you.
I know you're in there... somewhere. This winter coat you seem to have covered yourself in is getting a little ridiculous. I know, I know... during winter months it's always nice to have the extra warmth, but the summer too? Come on.
I'd really appreciate it also, if you'd rid yourself of this hideous fashion you call "stretch marks". Whoever told you they were a good look for you lied.
Please try to understand where I'm coming from. I love you, I really do. I just wish there wasn't so much of you to love.
Love,
Brittany
PS Since you're in the area.. could you possibly send a message to my butt that it doesn't need to follow in the same fashion as you? Bigger is not better. And I guess it wouldn't hurt to forward that to my thighs either. Thank you.
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